What to do if your child won't go in

Digging the heels in at the door is very common in the first weeks and it's usually about the transition rather than the school itself. Two things make it worse: bargaining on the spot, which turns the doorway into a negotiation your five-year-old can absolutely win, and going home, which fixes today and doubles tomorrow.

In the moment

• Flat, warm voice. No pleading, no threats, no spontaneous promises involving a puppy.
• Say the plan once: 'You're going in with Ms Ryan. I'll be here at ten to two.'
• Physically hand over. Infant staff are well used to leading or carrying in a crying child, and it is genuinely fine to let them do their job.
• Then leave. Sit in the car for five minutes and have your own little moment out of sight. 🚗

The same day

Message the class teacher: how long did it take to settle, how was yard, was there anything specific? Then ask for one concrete change for tomorrow. A different door, arriving five minutes before the crowd, a job to do on arrival, the same adult meeting them each morning. Small structural tweaks fix most of these mornings, far more than any pep talk.

At home that evening

Don't interrogate, but don't skip it either. One question, asked sideways while you're both doing something else, gets you ten times more than a face-to-face debrief: 'What was the loudest bit of today?' Listen for the real trigger, because it's often something fixable, like the toilets, the noise in the hall, or having nobody to sit beside at lunch.

If it keeps happening

Ask for a proper meeting with the teacher, and ask whether the school can access a support teacher or NEPS, the National Educational Psychological Service. If it's still going on well past the first few weeks, or coming with physical symptoms, mention it to your GP too. Neither of those means the year has gone wrong. It means you're on it. 💛