Talking to a nervous child before school starts

Reassurance mostly soothes us, not them. 'You'll love it' and 'there's nothing to be nervous about' both gently tell a child that their feeling is incorrect, which is not the vibe we're going for. Detail works far better, because school nerves at four and five are usually made of very specific unknowns rather than a big cloud of dread.

The unknowns worth answering out loud

• Where's the toilet, and do I have to ask? (You ask the teacher. The teacher says yes. Always.) 🚻
• Who brings me in, and where do I go first?
• When do I eat, and who opens my lunchbox?
• Who's collecting me, and where exactly will they be standing?
• What if I don't know anyone? (You sit near someone and the teacher tells you their name.)

Rehearse the route, not the emotion

Wander up to the school a couple of times in August. Stand at the gate they'll use. Point at the door. Say who'll be there. Familiar geography does more for nerves than any heartfelt conversation about feelings, and it takes eleven minutes. 🚶

Watch the volume of school talk

A child asked ten times a day whether they're excited will reasonably conclude that something enormous and slightly alarming is coming. Mention it once, answer questions as they come, and otherwise let August be August. (This one is mostly a note to myself.) 😅

Say the true version of the hard bit

It's genuinely helpful to say: 'Some bits will be great and some bits will be boring or loud, and you can tell me about both at home.' Kids who've only been sold the highlights reel have nowhere to put their first rubbish afternoon.